1. Breathe: use the breath to relax and slow down the nervous system. During sessions we include a variety of breath patterns to increase your ability to intentionally calm or stimulate your nervous system (and therefore your arousal).
2. Relax: do not clench or tighten your body. As I mention above, practicing to master your body’s unconscious tension & defense mechanisms (e.g. clenching the large gluteal muscles, tightening the deep psoas muscle, holding the breath & restricting the diaphragm movement) will bring your nervous system back into balance: rather than being unequally tipped towards the ‘fight or flight’ state.
3. Slow Down: there is no ‘finish line’ to reach, so why be in a hurry? If having partnered sex, literally ‘plug in’ and hold still, breathe together, just slow down and be present with each other. Gently guide your partner to slow their touch or stimulation down. When practicing solo-sex, practice tuning in to the subtlest of sensations with still, delicate touch.
4. Change position: whether you are masturbating or having partnered sex, if you are ‘edging’ and your arousal levels are getting too high then STAND UP. The shift in position will change your awareness of your body, redistributing energy. Feeling the weight of your body through the soles & heels of your feet, down through your legs, can help to ‘ground’ sexual energy that is rising too high. During sessions I encourage you to actually let your body move around, not just to be rigid and passive, for exactly this reason.
5. Self Touch: spreading sensation, energy and attention around your body will help to disperse arousal. This is relevant to the ‘in-the-moment’ experience with a partner or whilst masturbating, but it also needs to be a vital part of your ‘pre-match practice’. So, develop a conscious masturbation practice: include sessions of full-body self-massage, explore the rest of your body before you go anywhere near your genitals, perhaps even ONLY explore the rest of your body! Stimulating nerve endings throughout the body (including, for example, your anus, your prostate, your throat, neck and chest) will give you access to neural pathways that are not reliant on the pudendal nerve (the main nerve that innervates the tip of the penis and is involved in the ejaculatory response).
6. Anal Play: becoming familiar with touch and sensations around the external anal sphincter, as well as penetration and stimulation of the prostate, is an essential part of teaching your pelvic muscles to relax. If your pelvic muscles are chronically tight, overworked & unable to relax, it is much more difficult to regulate your ejaculatory response. Tight pelvis muscles can even place pressure on the pudendal nerve, triggering a ‘peak orgasm’ (ejaculation). Explore your arsehole – in the shower is a good place to begin – make it an integral part of your self-pleasure practice.