Couples Massage Coaching
What to expect in sessions
What are couples intimacy coaching sessions like?
I really, really enjoy working with couples. Seeing two people who love each other open up and explore their bodies with curiosity, and a willingness to learn something new, is incredible. Couples come to me for lots of different reasons:
- an interest in learning more about erotic touch specifically
- a curiosity about how it might be to have a third person present
- or just as a beautiful way to deepen intimacy and connection
Within these coaching sessions I will guide you in giving and receiving sensual massage. You will both have the opportunity to receive from the other, with demonstrations from me.
We begin each session with a chat and ‘check in’. In our first session I will invite you to share a little about yourselves and your relationship, I’ll ask you some questions about what has led you to seek out intimacy coaching sessions, any specifics you would like to explore (e.g. communication, exercises or ‘practices’ to help initiate intimacy, coaching around non-ejaculatory/non-clitoral orgasms etc), and we’ll also talk about what will and won’t be included in the session that day. For many couples this is the first time they have ever explored anything intimate with a third person present or witnessed their partner being touched intimately by another person. This isn’t something I take for granted, I am aware that it could feel strange, so we talk about it first and make sure that everyone is comfortable. For everyone I have worked with, the structure and boundaries of the session mean that this is a really safe way to explore without any messy emotional triggers coming up.
Connection and intimacy games
Before we dive in to all the delicious oily massage of the second and third sessions, the first session begins by focussing on learning to connect and ground into your own body. One of the biggest gaps I see in couples’ enjoyment of massage and intimacy is that both people are very distracted by what is going on in the other person’s body (or in their own head), or by trying to please the other person. They become completely disconnected from their own body. One of the keys to giving and receiving really good sexual touch is to feel grounded, relaxed and connected to your own body and breath before you even begin touching, or being touched by, anyone else. So, I will guide you in a short and simple meditation to help you to ‘land’ a little in your body, and to begin connecting with your breath and your physical, emotional and energetic sensations.
We then explore this a little more deeply with a ‘game’ or ‘exercise’ that encourages you to begin connecting and interacting with each other in slightly new ways. These are touch based practices that help you to explore what kind of touch you like to receive, and to give, to consider whether those two things might be different, and how to communicate your desires. They are inspired by the work of one of my teachers, Betty Martin. They are little introductions to sensual touch and ‘massage’ that help me to get a feel for the way you interact with each other. They are also the ‘homework’ that I send you away with! During the first session the touch is all between the two of you, I simply guide and hold space. The exercises will usually not involve genital touch (don’t worry, we’ll get to that!), and you can be naked or wear underwear, whatever is comfortable at this stage.
Learning about intimate touch
Typically our second session is focussed on lingham (penis) massage, and our third on yoni (vulva/vagina) massage, though you are welcome to switch that around if you wish. We will begin each of these sessions with a simple approach to full body massage: I will show you ways to touch your partner’s body, and then invite you to have a go as well. I explain, as we’re working, why we might be touching certain areas in certain ways. The receiver is invited to just relax, drop into the experience of authentic receiving, to stay with their breath, sound and movement and of course give feedback if something feels delicious, or if something feels less than fabulous. This is a starting point – a recipe that you can take home and experiment with.
We then move to genital massage. I will explain the nature of tantric yoni and lingham massage: no goals, no performance, no agenda, and the bliss that can arise from that polarity. I will share some simple techniques with you, a little information on anatomy, and will demonstrate how to give a loving, sensual yoni/lingham massage. With lingham massage we cover some tips on how to avoid ejaculatory orgasms, how to let your body relax and not ‘squeeze’ into the contraction of a ‘peak’ orgasm. With yoni massage I share some insights into relaxing and re-sensitising the inside of your vagina, your G-Spot and your cervix so that you can begin to access different pathways to orgasm, moving away from just the ‘peak’, contraction based clitoral orgasm. This part of the session involves me giving genital massage to the receiving partner whilst the giving partner observes, and then has the opportunity to try out the techniques I have demonstrated. We are never in a hurry, and I always bring a sense of calmness and groundedness to the (often very new and novel) experience of touching and being touched in a really intimate area of the body. Many of the couples I work with remark on how refreshing it is to be in such a shame-free environment and learn about sex, intimacy and touch as if they are learning about something as ‘normal’ as cooking or gardening!
At the end of the session I give you a little time in the space just to connect with each other. You are welcome to take a warm shower before you get dressed. We will have a little ‘check in’ before you leave, you can share any reflections or questions, but I do encourage you to stay out of the ‘thinking mind’ for as long as you can, just relaxing into the softness that has been created.
If you would like to continue your learning and exploration of erotic massage at home I recommend signing up to my online courses in genital massage. Here you’ll be able to access video tutorials on all the techniques we cover in the sessions plus many, many more! After your in-person sessions you’ll receive an exclusive discount code for the courses.
Reflections on intimacy coaching sessions
Here’s what some couples have said about their sessions:
‘It was such a beautiful experience in every way. We couldn’t have known what to expect but somehow we felt completely safe in your hands and none of it felt strange at all. It’s quite a big deal to feel so much trust for a stranger, to the extent where you’re able to strip back to your most vulnerable state. I feel my husband and I are closer than we’ve ever been, thank you for guiding us there. We look forward to experimenting with the games and the approaches you taught us.’
‘We did not know what to expect when it came to our first tantric massage and we are so grateful for the positive, beautiful and wonderful experience we received thanks to your guidance, kindness and healing touch. You understood completely our boundaries, respected our relationship wholeheartedly and the closeness we have felt since is a euphoric feeling of unconditional love and incredibly spiritual closeness that is hard to describe. Not to mention our lovemaking since which is on a different scale!’
If you have any questions about this blog, or if you’d like to book your first session you can drop me an email firstname.lastname@example.org